How to talk about erectile dysfunction with your partner

It can be difficult to tell a partner that you have erection problems. You can worry that they will feel rejected or that the conversation will make the problem worse. Silence can cause more uncertainty. A short, honest conversation can reduce pressure for both of you.

Choose a calm time

Do not start the conversation during sex or directly after an erection problem. Choose a private time when neither person must hurry. You do not need to explain everything in one conversation.

You can start with a simple statement:

“I have had some erection problems. I want you to know that this is not about my attraction to you. I would like us to talk about it without pressure.”

Use words that feel natural to you. The aim is to give clear information, not to give a perfect speech.

Explain what you know

Tell your partner when the problem started and how it makes you feel. If you do not know the cause, say so. Do not make a diagnosis without a clinical assessment.

You can explain that tiredness, stress, alcohol, some medicines, and physical health conditions can affect erections. Repeated symptoms need a health check because a clinician can look for possible causes and discuss safe treatment.

Make it clear that your partner is not to blame

A partner can think that an erection problem means that you do not find them attractive. State clearly that ED is a health concern and is not a judgement about them.

Listen to their concerns. They can also feel worried, confused, or rejected. You do not need to solve every concern immediately. First, make sure that both people understand what has happened.

Reduce pressure during intimacy

Agree that intimacy does not have to lead to penetration. Kissing, touching, and other forms of closeness can help you stay connected without making an erection the test of whether the experience was successful.

Stop if either person feels uncomfortable. Consent is necessary during every sexual activity and can be withdrawn at any time.

You can also agree on words that help in the moment. For example, you can say, “Let us slow down,” instead of withdrawing without an explanation.

Decide on a next step together

Ask your partner what support they need. Then explain what you plan to do. A next step can be:

book an appointment with a GP
contact a sexual health clinic
complete a private clinical consultation
ask a pharmacist to review possible medicine side effects
discuss talking therapy or relationship counselling

Your partner can help you prepare questions, but you can choose to have the clinical consultation alone. You must give accurate information about your health and medicines.

If the first conversation is difficult

A partner can need time to understand the problem. If the discussion becomes an argument, stop and agree to speak again when you are both calm.

Write down what you want to say if speaking feels too difficult. You can also share a reliable health information page and discuss it together.

If you feel unsafe in your relationship, get support. The NHS has information about domestic violence and abuse, including services for men and women.

Remember the main point

ED is common and treatment can often help. You do not have to hide it, and your partner does not have to guess what is wrong. A clear conversation and a health check can help you move forward.

Sources

Sources accessed on 2 September 2026.